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A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter on the bed. Fearing the worst, she reads it with trembling hands:

Dear Mom,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I have eloped with my new boyfriend who just turned 35 years old. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But it's not only that, Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. xI've learned that marihuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we may want. In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure so Ahmed can get better; he deserves it. Since he currently doesn't have a job, he spends all of his time with me. Don't worry, Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter

P.S. Mom, it's not true. I'm at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.