It's June, and Santa's finally getting around to
answering his e-mail from last Christmas...
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How
'bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older
brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the
world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get
back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What -- and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the babysitter? He's
banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos
instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a PlayStation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a
pony, and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer
outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a
kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.
Santa
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