What Every Man Expects:

1. Always beautiful and cheerful - Could have married movie star but wanted only you.

2. Hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops.

3. Beauty that won't run in a rainstorm.

4. Never sick - just allergic to jewelry and fur coats.

5. Insists that moving the furniture by herself is good for her figure.

6. Expert in cooking, cleaning, fixing the car or TV, mixing drinks, painting the house and keeping quiet.

7. Favorite hobbies: Mowing the lawn and shoveling the snow. Hates charge plates.

8. Her favorite expression "What can I do for you, dear?"

9. Thinks you have Einstein's brains but look like Mr. America.

10. Wishes you would go play poker with the boys so she could get some sewing done. Loves you because you're SO-O-O Sexy.

What He Gets:

1. She speaks 140 words a minute with gusts up to 180.

2. She once was a model for a totem pole.

3. A light eater - As soon as it gets light she starts eating.

4. Where there's smoke, there she is - cooking.

5. She lets you know you only have two faults - everything you say and everything you do.

6. Her hair looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory.

7. The last time she used a broom was to fly somewhere.

8. If you get lost, open your wallet - she'll find you.