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| Store Memo on Banning Family | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Mrs. Fenton, Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras. MEMO Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping: 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!" (And; last, but not least!) 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" Sincerely, Store Management
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