The Darwin awards are given each year to those
who manage to eliminate themselves from the human gene pool.
The candidates this year are....
Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing
head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran",
accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand
caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or
protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a
resident of Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy
equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was
pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , CA , as he fell face-first through the
ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight
he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit he floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville , Del , as he won a bet with friends
who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
trigger.
Third Place
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, DC appeared to be the
robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his
terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing inhandguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at
the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild
shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police
officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by customers,
several of whom also drew and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by
Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7
different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.
HONOURABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also
injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at
2AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends in Tacoma, Washington when one of
them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the
middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the
walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the
cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby
fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for
me onthat night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
located.
AND THE WINNER...
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated
elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and
prunes before the plugged- up pachyderm finally let fly, and suffocated the keeper under
200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The
sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground
where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to
evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik
Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated." It seems to be
just one of those freak accidents that proves...
"Sh*t does happen."
Now this last one is an old story and doe have a picture associated with it. Click here to see it!
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