Darwin
Award Candidates:
1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand
caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or
protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a
resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy
equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was
pronounced dead at a hospital.
4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his
skull as he hit the floor.
5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death
in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could
not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.
6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr, 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet
with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth
and pull the trigger.
7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy
Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they
were playing with their snowmobiles.
Darwin Award Honorable Mentions:
1. In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a shot from his
22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio
Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.
2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out cobwebs in his
basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that
burned the first and second floors of his house.
3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was
also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around
at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
Darwin Award Runner Up:
TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when one of them said
they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of
traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway
of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that
no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured
around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet
before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived
his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can
say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's
just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
And The Darwin Award Winner:
PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated
elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and
prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly-and suffocated the keeper under 200
pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The
sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground,
where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to
evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective
Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an
hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. "It seems to
be just one of those freak accidents that happen.
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