A major research institution has recently
announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new
element has been named "Governmentium."
Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 11 assistant
deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by
forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles
called peons.
Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A
minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it
would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 1 to 6
years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will
actually increase over time, since reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons,
forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that
governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You will know it when
you see it!
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